No More Free BJs

Time Out - No More Free BJ’s

Today I actually stuck to the script. My summer fling had been calling me all weekend and I had somehow built up the courage to not answer his calls. We hadn’t been together in months and I missed him. I enjoyed making love to him, but the thought of me doing “it” for free was eating me alive. He wasn’t my boyfriend, we weren’t really “dating”, and he wasn’t helping me. As far as I was concerned, having great sex and getting nothing in return just didn’t add up. It was backwards math: 1+1 was supposed to equal 2, but instead, the whole thing was adding up to zero. I tried to convince myself that I was okay with the idea of him just being my lover, but deep down inside I didn’t like how it made me feel. I knew that I was a passionate lover, and was beginning to question why I was giving my body away. Why was I giving my outer and inner beauty to someone who didn’t deserve it? I mean, the sex was out of the world—but girls give it up for free way too often. If you’re a great lover, you’re really doing yourself a disservice; it means that every time you have sex, the guy is going to automatically win. I had become so wrapped up in the act that I lost focus. I didn’t realize that I was allowing someone into my most personal space who actually didn’t deserve to be that close. My space was my domain and I was renting it out for free.
Well enough is enough and today is the official start of my


        Although I could count the number of BJs that I have given with Jazz Hands, (some of my closet girlfriends would actually need three sets of Jazz Hands to tally theirs), I decided that I was not giving out another one until I met a guy who deserved it. This guy was going to have to be able to make me laugh. He would have to make my heart skip beats. He would be committed to my happiness and never leave me unfulfilled. He would be the one guy who wouldn’t be afraid to take a chance on me. I would expect him to look into my eyes and tell me that he loved me without pause. He would be the real deal, the guy I deserved to be with and who deserved to be with me. Neither of us would be perfect, so bumps in the road would be common place in our relationship—but without question, there would be love.

        So until then, I will just keep leading this one-woman campaign…

        while silently asking God for the strength to stop being a slut


  1. OMG!! I am definitely joining the campaign.


  3. me too.

  4. NMFBJ!!! Where can I get my bumper sticker?!?!?

  5. I so agree, sometimes we need to question our motives and his!!!!

  6. I hear that

  7. Good Girl! Knowledge of ones self worth is priceless!

  8. That’s right! Sometimes we have to be selfish with our minds & bodes because not very guy deserves our gifts.

  9. but I LOVE BJ’s…smile

  10. I agree girls need time to unwind with a BJ, Pina Colada that is my favorite, we work to hard at everything we do, it is time for us to relax and love and live life

  11. I have definitely been in the same position before with a fling so I completely get where you’re coming from. I think girls should be open to having a Samantha Jones mindset from Sex and the City even though we may feel guilty about being a “slut” at times. We’re just as much entitled to having fun as men are but we should abide by the campaign because that I agree with 100%!

  12. Thank You…Thank You….Thank You!!!!! I couldn’t have said it better…. I am definitely joining the campaign…..We deserve better and it’s time we put ourself FIRST!!!!!!!!

  13. I give my body away for pleasure! I love having sex with my lover, maybe even more than he does. The warmth of his body against mine, the feeling of his member penetrating and depenetrating (if that’s a word) in and out of me, the stress relief, the relaxation and the good sleep afterwards are all worth it. My lover is just that, my lover. All the emotional shit is for my man! And when my lover wants to have sex and I’m not in the mood i give him a BJ! Go figure!

  14. I was never one to go down!!! But I used to give it up then one day I realized my worth! Ever since I STOPPED passing myself out ….I have begin to live my dreams! Its amazing what things we are holding off in our lives because we have filled up the space with NOTHINGNESS. God will answer your prayer but pray it out LOUD and your inner slut will go into slumber until you meet your husband!!! I have mine in a straight jacket and chastity belt right now!

  15. R u saying that I had 3 jazz hands worth of BJ’s? Ladies dont be afraid of the bj it brings continuity to a relationship and u old ass ladies who dont give bj’s are missing out on the fun! And OO said if u give a bj you dont have to give out nothing for free….write about that biotch!

  16. NO MORE FREE BJ’s CAMPAIGN.. sign me up because I am ready to march!!

  17. Finally – a girl who is not afraid to say what we are really thinking!! I love it.

  18. This makes so much sense. I only wish I had read it

  19. This post describes such a sad equation. It really sounds like you are doing things in bed that you hate because you feel like you have to. That’s not what sex is about. It’s not that you are giving something away for free – you’re hopefully both enjoying what you’re doing, and if you’re not, you should stop and do something else. So blow jobs without a relationship can be fun and hot – if you get off on giving them, or if he does things to you in return in bed that you enjoy. But the idea of blow jobs being something he has to pay you back for in the form of a relationship is a perversion of both relationships and sex (and not the fun kind of perversion). This is really sex-negative and playing in to sexist stereotypes.

  20. I haven’t given one of those in years… just doesnt feel right if I am not with the special one. I guess I dont have to sign up for the march but I am down to walk in solidarity :)

  21. why are you giving and taking? If you want to, do it. If you don’t, don’t. A gift should be freely given…not in exchange for something. You seem pretty manipulative or selfish, not sure which.

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