non-american-boy

Time Out - non-American boy


Every American Girl should one-up herself and go out with a guy that is not from the States. You may not be able to grasp the concept in the beginning, but in the end, you’ll understand.

        If he is British: You will find yourself not understanding a word he is saying. He will ramble on and on using slang terms like bloody, babes, and bullocks. You will fall in love with his tailored suits and great shoes, while devilishly pretending that you know the rules to their version of “football.” His compliments will leave you blushing and batting your eyelashes as he tells you how brilliant you are. At first you will act as if you’re not impressed, but before you know it, you will have miraculously memorized his 14-digit phone number and hold your breath every time he calls you “Darling.”

        If he is Latin: You will most definitely be responsible for all of the cooking and cleaning. He will yell your name with vigilance and expect you to respond as if your livelihood depends on it. He isn’t a tyrant, but he moves like one, commanding respect with every step—and that’s why you will love him. He will grab you by your hair, whisper mi amori in your ear and you will melt. The way he dances all but sets the expectations for the way that he makes love. Family is important to him, so when you get that coveted invite to meet his Padre, Madre, Abuela, Tio, Tia, Sustantivo, Sustantivo, you are thrilled.

        If he is African: You will marvel in his pretentious arrogance and lust for him, as African men are some of the most passionate lovers on the planet. Although he knows that you are a smart girl, he will make all of the decisions—and you will let him. He will show you off to his friends and spoil you only because he doesn’t want anybody else to have you.

        If he is Russian: You don’t stand a chance. Whether he is 5’1 or 6’1, his sheer presence reaches to the ceiling. With his sinister accent and crooked grin, he has you at hello.

        If he is Irish: He is a feisty son of bitch and you love his rogue ways. He is always ready to fight. Ready to defend what’s his and what he intends to be his—you. You feel safe with him. He can hold his beer in one hand and you in the other, never losing site of either one, because you are equally important to him.

        It’s easy to fall in love with the non-American Boy because you are in love with everything about him that’s not American. His accent. His style. His “ him”. He is cut from a different cloth. Born and raised on different soil. In turn, his friends will adore you because you are his American Girl. You represent his conquest.

        Please note: A guy from the States shouldn’t be discounted. He bleeds red, white, and blue. He lives the American Dream and speaks our language: money, power, and success. But sometimes it’s fun to switch things up.

        In the end, as long as he makes us happy, we really don’t care where he calls home. Because he makes us smile.

        Luckily for me- Vodka is pronounced VODKA in every country!

34 Comments

  1. Love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Sounds like you had a bad experience with a Latino. my experience has been very different. Sounds like the Latin part had nothing to do with the asshole part.

  3. OOOH yes.. those Russian Men…

  4. I have dated both African and Latino and I must say that you hit the nail on the head. The only thing you left out as far as the Latin guy goes is you may have to move in with Padre, Madre, Abuela, Tio, Tia, Sustantivo, Sustantivo too..smile

  5. I am in love with my Latin Guy and he can yell my name whenever he wants.

    • Thanks for writing such an easy-to-undrsaetnd article on this topic.

  6. I have thing for the Brits. That accent drives me crazy.

  7. I have dated all of them and more and have noticed some difference as well but in the end as long as their dicks work and they make me smile I too could care less where they came from.

  8. I’ve only dated Black Mem and I love them.

  9. The Latin Guy! that’s him alright.

  10. I loved the English accent. I spent time in London last year and I fell in love with the men over there. I am currently dating a man from the UK and they are very different from USA men.

  11. Well I love African men and you are right, they do want to make all of the decisions for you. Not sure about all of them being great lovers because I have gone out with a few that weren’t good in bed..

  12. This was funny and distasteful at the same time.

    Does it really matter what their background is?

    A good guy is a good guy.

  13. I don’t think this post came from a bad place. It was just showing that she dates all kind of guys and they are all different.

  14. Yes.. DATE every kind of guy so you will know what guy you like and dont like.I go out with everybody.

  15. The guy I’m dating had the following observations (cut and pasted from his email):

    Hi All:
    It is time a guy had a say here.

    If she is from Russia and bordering countries and young (assuming you’re older)…she’s blond with big boobs and a terrific figure. Her accent can melt butter. Then you’ll find out she’s dating someone younger on the side and considered you a father figure.

    If she is Israeli: bossy as he’ll. She’ll tell you when and where to put it.

    If she is Latino: hot, spicy and quick to temper, she’s worth the trouble but if you pledge your love to her you better not look at another woman…ever!

    If she is filipina: American men are held in high esteem…unless you’re cheap. Be prepared to spend on vuitton bags and the like.

    If she is Irish: best to learn the difference between catholics and Protestants as well as accents (Scottish versus Irish). If she is redheaded you’ll want to see if the carpet and drapes match.

    If she is NYC – LI Jewish: Oy vey! Good luck with that. She’ll complain about her nails and her psychologist all in the same sentence. She’s blond, pretty and will expect at least three-carat diamond – sooner than later. Sorry chief. You’re screwed!

    Happy holidays.

  16. There is apparently a bunch to identify about this. I feel you made some nice points in features also.

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  24. non-american boys are the best

  25. Spot On!

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  27. I nearly spit all of my coffee out when you started describing the African Guys. What you said is soo true.

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